That’s Not Fair

By 4 commentsRecovery, , , ,

This week God had a message for me and it was loud and clear.  Every day, words, circumstances, Bible study, posts on Facebook, everything called to mind that life’s not fair.  I grew up knowing this, happily quoting Billy Crystal’s line in The Princess Bride, “Who ever said life is fair?  Where is that written?”

It’s a simple concept, but then why do I overflow with frustration when I do something, hoping for a specific outcome, and it flops?  Why do I hold a grudge when someone does something wrong to me?  I would be less apt to do so if I lived from a “life’s-not-fair” mentaility.

I have been mulling over fairness and see that perhaps it’s more about entitlement.  “If he appreciated that I worked all day, he would take out the trash without being asked.”  “If I go above and beyond, I should get special treatment.”  That’s a big, giant dose of entitled thinking right there, wanting things to be fair.

When I’m operating out of entitlement and something happens that seems unfair, that gives birth to jealousy and anger, both of which are unhelpful places to be in recovery.  My daily goal is contentment and peace, both of which are impossible to find when I’m wound up about something that happened that wasn’t fair.

So, what am I doing about it?  It starts with recognizing that I’m angry.  From there, I pray and ask God to take away my anger.  Every time I did that this week, I then found opportunity to be thankful and was able to settle into the idea that fairness doesn’t even matter.  He changed my heart to embrace the other person or situation and brought me back to what’s most important:

It’s not fair that Christ died on the cross to save an angry, alcoholic sinner like me, but He did, because he loves me, and that’s all I need to know.  When I remember that, suddenly whatever seemed so unfair, turns out to be rather insignificant.

4 comments on “That’s Not Fair”

  1. Bonnie Pavkov

    I so enjoyed the Cheese Night cooking class! You are gifted at what you are doing and made everyone feel welcomed. I loved meeting your mom and granny! Lovely three generations of ladies! Blessings and hugs! Bonnie

  2. Nana

    Beck 35 years ago, Guy and I read a book titled The Road Less Traveled, by Scott Peck. The first line of the first chapter reads “Life is difficult.” I have remembered that line every day of my life since then, and when I read your thoughts, I knew exactly what you were feeling. Once we realize that life truly is not fair, it makes it a whole lot easier to understand ourselves and to continue to put Christ ahead of our own feelings. Life is a series of problems, but discipline helps us solve the problems, and in the long run, what’s really important shines through. Joanie, you are fighting a huge battle on several fronts, so give yourself some slack and this too will pass. I love you!

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