Set Sail

The ebb and flow of entrepreneurship.  Launching something that’s not guaranteed to succeed but you feel it in your bones that it’s what you’re meant to do.  I’m living it, battling it, embracing it, freaking-out about it and loving it.  Things are starting to click, headway is being made, joyful breakthroughs and uncomfortable growth are all signs that I’m where I should be.  And absolutely none of it would be happening if I hadn’t written a blog post on my old site about our White Trash Family Vacation to San Diego in May.  But first, a timeline of events:
  • January – started seeing a therapist
  • March – got sober
  • April – quit the day job
  • May – committed to an entire month of doing nothing (aka May Play)
  • July 4 – launched this new and improved site
As a part of May Play, Ryan and I packed up the kids and headed for the coast, the delightfully unfortunate exploits of which are documented in the original post, below.  That trip helped me see my resilience and progress in recovery and I was excited to open a little window into my newfound truth.  I blogged about our trip and admitted a few small tidbits about my vulnerability.  However, I was still in the closet about my recovery.  It was that post and a few heartfelt comments on it from some very loving people that opened me up even more.  It helped me see vulnerability as strength and honesty as indespensible.  If I hadn’t written that post, I wouldn’t have seen that I could share more of myself.  If I hadn’t shared more of myself, I wouldn’t have shaken loose my full creativity, and without the creativity, I wouldn’t be successfully building a business that brings me so much happiness.

I suppose it’s appropriate to say that blogging has changed my life.  I suppose I’ll keep doing it and following where the words take me.

Today’s prayer of thanksgiving: Thank you, Jesus, for my laptop and for WordPress and for road trips.


I’m On A Boat

May 23, 2015

Right now I’m working on living more “in the moment”.  It’s a real discipline for me to sit still and think about enjoying the right-now.  My usual speed, if left unregulated, is hurtling toward the future, ensuring all will go smoothly, pursuing some undefined perfection.  In that manic state, I never touch-base with the present moment, taking time to enjoy it and just, be.

I have a few mental exercises from my incredible therapist (Yes, I have a therapist, and she’s amazing, and if you’re judging me, you probably need one, too.) including “unclenching” my core muscles (brings a whole new meaning to anal-retentive) and meditation through mindfulness.

Family Vacation

On board the boat

Being the over-achiever that I am, I couldn’t help but throw my new present-minded skills straight into a pressure cooker.  Ryan and I decided somewhat impulsively to pack up the kids, head to San Diego and make some memories, indulging in the age-old American ritual of a family vacation.  Mind you, our kids are 15 months and 3 years old and not accustomed to sleeping anywhere other than their own beds.  So, being “in-the-moment” meant booking a stay through AirBnB on a sailboat that sleeps four.  What could go wrong?

Before we left, I did float the idea of cancelling the trip.  Travelling with kids presented the very real possibility that we would come home exhausted.  From running interference between siblings during a 6 hour car ride to California to screaming and crying through meals at restaurants.  Kids at this age are simple in some respects, but logistically, they’re a lot of hard work and involve extensive schlepping.  Despite all indications that this would be a tiring trip and that we might not have a ton of fun, it would most certainly be memorable.  And it was, much thanks to keeping our expectations low and embracing the moments as they came. Memorable moments included:

  • Showing up at the boat and discovering that the accommodations were not as glamorous as depicted online.  Then, telling the kids (and ourselves) “this is just like camping, but on a boat!” But really, what was I expecting for less than $90 a night in the middle of San Diego?
  • Trying to figure out how to flush the on-board toilet in what was comparable to an airplane bathroom, but less roomy.
  • Having dinner at Seaport Village for a dose of nostalgia, realizing that I had dragged my sweatshirt through Blaise’s BBQ sauce at dinner, looking at Ryan who was wearing the only shirt he brought, our kids still schmeared with sunscreen and sand from the beach that they enjoyed in their diapers (another situation of forgotten apparel), and realizing we were quite the motley crew.  Ryan declared over dinner this was officially our “White Trash Vacation”.
  • High-fives after a two hour bedtime ordeal when both kids were finally, successfully “in bed”.  However, our rejoicing was a bit premature as there was more rocking and shushing of little ones at 1am and 3am, with a decision to just stay up as of 5:30am.
  • Blaise wearing pajama pants through the San Diego Zoo because Mom and Dad only packed two pairs and both ended up wet due to some less-than-absorbent, new brand of pull ups. Seriously, what was our hang-up with packing clothes on this trip?

Unexpected joys included:

  • The boys were a dream in the car both to and from San Diego. Only minimal screaming involved, which was easily abated with a few Skittles.
  • Emerging from the boat after our sleepless night and feeling the ocean breeze, looking out into the gorgeous harbor.
  • The San Diego Zoo.  Hadn’t been there since I was a kid and we spent the entire day covering most of the park.  Oh, and the Bonobos.  Bonobos, the hippie dudes of the jungle, were a highlight.
  • Redeeming our tourist trap dining experiences of the first day with back to back winners at Hash House a Go Go for breakfast and Pizza Port for dinner.  Thanks to the friends who recommended these tasty places!
  • Talking politics and world history with Ryan after the kids dozed off on the way home.

Staying in the moment meant I could enjoy this trip.  The good, the bad, and most importantly, the imperfect.  Life’s not perfect, my kids aren’t perfect, God knows I’m not perfect, but that doesn’t mean these things can’t be enjoyed.  Had I let the manic perfectionist in me take the primary role on this trip, I would have spent the entire time beating myself up for not planning better and attempting to fix the trip so that we could all have more fun.  But, since when is perfect more fun?  My perfectionist, future-living self would look back on the trip as a waste of time and money, and would have missed out on the unexpected joys.  But, staying in the moment meant I could laugh at the flubs, not take it too seriously, take it for what it was, and ultimately gain closeness with my husband and my boys.  It was well worth it, and now Blaise can’t stop talking about the boat.

I was reading an article about content marketing recently, and apparently you’re supposed to end a blog post with a call to action.  So, in summary, for this blog post, the call to action should be:

Get yourself a therapist and do some praying.  It’s hard to enjoy life without some help.

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San Diego

 

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