Nostalgia

I’m 7 months sober today, marking another milestone on the calendar.  Obviously, a lot has changed in the past seven months.  I quit my job, I’m cooking every day, I’m in touch with my soul, I feel God’s love, and I spend a lot of time with my kids and my husband.  As this journey continues and the road stretches out into some unimaginable direction, I know I’ll look back at these, the early days of recovery, and smile.  These are incredibly good days and I’m trying to savor them.

I have been doing a lot of looking back, not to dwell on mistakes or tough times.  I’m there, remembering the good.  I’m not usually a sentimental person, so this is a markedly different perspective.  Many key moments over the past year, I have opened up the mental box that contains the past, reviving feelings, feeling thankful; happy tears.  For years, I was stuffing my feelings, numbing out.  I was trying to shut out the bad things of the past, but in the process, I shut out everything, both bad and good.  I worked through the bad with my therapist.  Now it’s time to let the good in.

Each moment of nostalgia, some more intense than others, prick a pinhole into the veil of my life’s story, then expanding to reveal God’s faithfulness in my life.  Like a song that takes you right back to your sophomore year of high school (Semi-Charmed Life, anyone?), slipping into a feeling of comfort and safety.  Granted, I don’t want to err to far the other way and start to live in the past, but I do think it has been really helpful for me to look back, as someone who has previously only focused on the future.

I looked back at my first food blog (2008 – 2010), remembering all of the fun I had cooking in that itty bitty kitchen in Manhattan and then in Tempe after we moved back to Arizona.  The food photos are horrendous, so for one, it’s wonderful to see how my photography has improved.  I also remember being a newlywed, living in the big city, being on an adventure.  I don’t exactly remember why I started a food blog, but I’m glad I did, because it laid the groundwork for what I’m doing today.  It was God’s inspiration and from that vegan food blog, to moving back to Arizona, to my job in the restaurant industry, to working with CityEats.com (God rest its soul), to a podcast, to sobriety, to this website and everything in between.

Even last night, as I was at an industry event with friendly faces from across the local hospitality scene, I had a moment of nostalgia. I was remembering some of the early food events I attended, walking into a room of strangers.  Now, surrounded by friends and colleagues, I had to stop and say, “Thank you, Lord, for bringing these amazing people into my life.  It wouldn’t be the same without them.”

“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.” – James 1:17